Baby Steps

I was just sitting next to Ali playing solitaire when i rememebed that online games have never really been "janice fun." Janice fun usually involves lots of silly or it involves some sort of creation. And so I return to my blog. I attempted to write on here again last night but it turned out so rambly that I couldn't even make heads or tales of it all.

I only refrain from writing when I have something to hide. It's a simple at that. What am I currently hiding from the world? I'm scared. I'm going to be unemployed in 2 weeks (less when you think about it). It's a scary thought. What's bothering me more is that I'm sitting around not doing very much about it. I'm a super action oriented person and I can't get myself to send out a silly e-mail to meara's dad? What's going on with me??? I have NO IDEA!!! I feel like if I could just get some momentum started I could get somewhere.

All my friends are leaving or they're coming back to start school. Either way they will all be busy and I will be sitting. That's the image I have in my head. Complete and total inaction while the rest of my friends (and the rest of that world for that matter) rushes past me.

Today I was thinking a lot about how I used to operate when I was first in high school. Before all the IB craziness. I used to wake up an hour before I had to leave. I could competely take my time getting ready. Wake-up, eat breakfast at my own pace, take a shower, get dressed, brush hair, get my things together, check my e-mail, find my keys, and out the door. It was nice. I also used to relax in the evenings. I always did work in the morning. I would come home and relax. Then I would wake up early and get my work done. I keep rolling through my head different phases of myself, different processes I have used, hoping to find a method that will help me get moving again. But I wonder if the solution is in the past or if I need to find something new??

Things I know. I like sleep. I like spending time with my friends. I like not working when I get home from work. I like catching up. I like taking evening walks. I like dancing. I like bopping to my ipod. Hmmmmmm.... the solution is on the tip of my fingers. Tomorrow I wake-up and see how I feel. Live in the moment, play it by ear?? Something like that. Night.

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